Whirlwind

i have found myself once again going through the motions of my life and not being happy. i have gotten so stuck in my schedule that i have totally forgot that there is more to life then work the gym and bed. i know that i should be giving myself some kuddos on keeping to a schedule but of course i forget that sometimes schedules are meant to be broken. because i seriously feel as if i am stuck at2 dead end jobs and in a mid life crisis. yes i am a little bit over dramatic, we all know that, i am 20 years old and i want to live. i really need to find the balance in work and play because hello it is the summer! im trying to remember the power of choice in my life. i have a choice in everything that i do, and i also can choose how i react to situations. i need to remember that. my goal as of late has been to change my mindset about things and looking at the reality of the situations instead of just the black and white. i called up cca to talk to mike and he asked if i was following my heart. it was so weird hearing that because i should have known that he was going to say something like that, and yet it totally threw me off guard. i have been telling myself for a year that i just need to "put my nose to the grindstone" and do the work. i have been, and i have been struggling to find my peace for a year. he just asked me if what i am doing is making me happy when it comes to my work. simply put no. i didnt think that there was a way to put listening to your heart, and your job in the same sentence, but at the end of the day is that not what life is all about? if you arent happy at your job or in your life, that can feed into relationships, and just how your feel about the world. so im choosing to follow my heart and stop trying to be something that i am not. i need to get back into some of the things that i know are going to make me happy. i am going to keep my job, because i need money yes, but i am going to work on my mind set, because i am working on phones, and it is all about how you go into the sale. i also just shucked out the best spend 150 bucks on a ceramics class. im trying to make choices more rationally, so like right now i am going to fold my laundry, because i need to, and got to the gym because i love to work out, not to loose weight. so even though my life is a whirlwind, im going to try to keep my skirt from flying up in the breeze.